HOW TO ASK R U OK?

SIMPLE STEPS THAT COULD CHANGE A LIFE

ROLE PLAY AN R U OK? CONVERSATION

To help you ask the people in your world how they're really going we've released an interactive video so you can role-play a conversation.

Click play on the video to get started and learn how to ask R U OK?, listen, encourage action and check in.

A CONVERSATION COULD CHANGE A LIFE

Have a feeling  someone you  care about it isn’t behaving as they normally would? Perhaps they seem out of sorts, more agitated or withdrawn, or they’re just not themselves. Trust your gut instinct and act on it.


By starting a conversation and commenting on the changes you’ve noticed, you could help that family member, friend or workmate open up. If they say they're not OK, you can follow our conversation steps and help them find strategies to better manage the load and, if they need it, seek additional support. If  they are OK, they'll  know you’re someone who cares and  who they can talk to if they're ever not OK.

Take the R U OK? Quiz

Getting Ready to Ask

Before you can look out for others, you need to look out for yourself. And that’s OK. If you're not in the right headspace or you don't think you're the right person to have the conversation, try to think of someone else in their support network who could talk to them.


To help you decide whether you’re ready to start a meaningful conversation, ask yourself:

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Am I Ready?

  • Am I in a good headspace? 
  • Am I willing to genuinely listen? 
  • Can I give as much time as needed? 
am i prepared

AM I PREPARED?

  • Do I understand that if I ask how someone’s going, the answer could be: 'No, I’m not'?
  • Do I understand that you can’t ‘fix’ someone’s problems?
  • Do I accept that they might not be ready to talk? Or they might not want to talk to me? 
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PICKED MY MOMENT?

  • Have I chosen somewhere relatively private and comfy? 
  • Have I figured out a time that will be good for them to chat? 
  • Have I made sure I have enough time to chat properly?

Tips On How to Ask

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  • 1. ASK R U OK?
    • Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach. 
    • Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What’s been happening?"  
    • Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?" 

    IF


    • If they don’t want to talk, don’t criticise them. 
    • Tell them you’re still concerned about changes in their behaviour and you care about them. 
    • Avoid a confrontation. 
    • You could say: “Please call me if you ever want to chat” or “Is there someone else you’d rather talk to?” 
  • 2. LISTEN WITH AN OPEN MIND
    • Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
    • Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
    • If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
    • Encourage them to explain: "How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you felt that way?"
    • Show that you've listened by repeating back what you’ve heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly. 
  • 3. ENCOURAGE ACTION
    • Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
    • Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"
    • Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
    • You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this... You might find it useful too."
    • If they've been feeling really down for more than 2 weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
    • Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times. 

    IF THEY NEED EXPERT HELP


    Some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. If someone’s been really low for more than 2 weeks - or is at risk - please contact a professional as soon as you can.



    FIND EXPERT HELP >>

  • 4. CHECK IN
    • Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner.
    • You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
    • Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
    • Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference. 

WORRIED SOMEONE MIGHT BE SUICIDAL?

Contact Lifeline for crisis support. If someone's life is in danger, call 111

Other Support

Trust the Signs

We can all make a difference in the lives of those who might be struggling by having regular, meaningful conversations about life's ups and downs.


If you feel like something’s not quite the same with someone you know – there’s something going on in their life or you notice a change in what they’re doing or saying - trust that gut instinct and take the time to ask them, 'are you OK?'.


By acting as ‘eyes and ears’ and reaching out to anyone who's going through a tough time we can show them they’re supported and encourage them to access help sooner.

Download Signs Information

It's time to ask R U OK? if you've noticed a change, no matter how small

If you have noticed these signs, it's time to trust the Signs, trust your gut and ask R U OK?

Do they seem:

  • Confused or irrational
  • Moody
  • Unable to switch off
  • Concerned about the future
  • Concerned they’re a burden
  • Lonely or lacking self-esteem
  • Concerned they’re trapped or in pain

Are they:

  • Experiencing mood swings
  • Becoming withdrawn
  • Changing their online behaviour
  • Losing interest in what they used to love
  • Unable to concentrate
  • Less interested in their appearance and personal hygiene
  • Behaving recklessly
  • Changing their sleep patterns

Are they experiencing:

  • Relationship issues
  • Major health issues
  • Work pressure or constant stress
  • Financial difficulty
  • Loss of someone or something they care about

R U OK? is an Australian-based charity and we cannot fundraise or hold events in New Zealand. If you would like to get in touch with us, you can visit our ‘Contact Us’ page.